


Rainbow in the Dark

by nihonlove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Castiel, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dean in Heat, Eating Monster Flesh, Forced Pregnancy, Fuck Or Die, Implied Castiel/Other(s), Knotting, M/M, Making Love, Mating Bites, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Monsters, Mpreg, Non-Graphic Smut, Non-Graphic Violence, Omega Dean, Or Rather "Make a Baby or Probably Die", POV Third Person Limited, Pregnant Dean, Purgatory, Reconciliation, Survival, True Mates, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 09:13:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5780110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nihonlove/pseuds/nihonlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Then, after a while, he thinks he’s figured it out. Since the beginning, Purgatory has brought him back down to his base instincts - the need to survive. Although he requires very little to eat, to drink, to sleep, apparently some bare needs are being brought to surface. Needs like making sure a genetic trace of Dean is left behind, even if he himself doesn’t survive. The need to mate, to <i>breed</i>. He can’t know if it would be like this if Cas wasn’t with him, if he didn’t have a mate, but it also matches everything he’s read and heard about mated Omegas; that when they come off their possible suppressants, they are insatiable and in the need of their mates until there is a pup growing in their belly. What is happening to him is basically that, but likely enhanced further by Purgatory.</p>
<p>Or: Dean and Cas are stuck in Purgatory together. Dean goes into heat, and it seems like the only way for it to be over is for him to get pregnant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rainbow in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Note One: Dean goes into heat and the only way to make it go away is for him to get pregnant. He makes a conscious decision to get pregnant and doesn't regret it afterwards, but he may not have wanted to have a child if he had been able to choose freely. It has nothing to do with Castiel being the father, however. If anything about this is something that rubs you the wrong way, you probably shouldn't read this.
> 
> Note Two: As you can see from the tags, this is a canon divergence AU, where the basic idea is that Dean and Cas began courting and then mated in the first half of season five. I go over most of the changes this has caused in the fic itself.
> 
> Note Three: Let me know if you think something is missing from the tags.

“Wake up.”

It’s those words that break through into Dean’s stream of unconsciousness. The voice and the tone both are familiar in a way that calls to him, entices him, because it’s been so long since he’s heard the owner of that voice speak like this, like the way he used to, Dean can’t even remember the last time when...

Dean opens his eyes, suddenly alert. He’s lying on the ground, on grass, on leaves. He sits up, taking in his surroundings. It looks like a forest, a dark one, like it’s night, but it was just day a while ago, wasn’t it? Or has he simply slept for that long? And yet, something tells him that’s not it. This place doesn’t feel like earth, doesn’t feel like a normal forest, though he can’t quite put his finger on why that is. It doesn’t smell normal though. Based on what he’s seeing and feeling, it should smell like fallen leaves, cold night air and trees, but all Dean can smell are dust, blood and death. There is something eerie about all of it, something cold and inhuman which makes Dean’s skin crawl. It feels much like when he is hunting, the type of fear he would never admit to feelins souring at the pit of his stomach, making it clench.

But there is one more smell nearby, and it’s one that Dean’s as intimately familiar with as the voice he heard before, because both belong to his mate. He smells that Castiel is behind him. Like his voice, his smell seems more like himself now, without the smell of the hospital that clung to him when he wasn’t all there, or the powered-up yet sewer-dirty undertones he had when all those beings were inside of him, or like the house and the Other Woman that swirled around him back when he was Emmanuel. No, he simply smells like lightning, like rain, like a Kansas storm that Dean remembers from what seems like an eternity ago. And despite everything, it makes some type of tightness at the pit of his stomach unknot. It feels like the Cas he fell in love with is finally here with him again, and for that, if for nothing else, Dean can be grateful.

He stands up, hope and love curling in his chest, turning towards his mate as he does, and the Omega in him is doing the mantra of _MateAlphaHomeHereFinally_ , and he wants to bury his nose into Castiel’s neck, to hold him, to kiss him, to have Cas make love to him, and for a moment he forgets himself.

Castiel’s pupils dilate, and Dean knows he can smell what Dean is thinking and feeling, and he steps closer to Dean as well, hoping for everything Dean is thinking of too, because for the first time in over a year they’re both themselves again and remember each other and now they can finally be one again…

And yet, after that one moment is over, they both catch themselves and seem to realise wherever they are is neither the time nor the place for all that. Dean sniffs the surrounding air to clear his head, and to maybe find out something more about this place, and it helps some, but Cas doesn’t really back off. If anything, he comes closer. But it’s not the type of closeness they had whenever they were getting ready to show each other the meaning of True Passion between True Mates, but rather the way he used to whenever they would be on a hunt together. Like Cas was trying to look out for Dean, trying to make sure he was there to do whatever he could to keep Dean safe. In a way, that told Dean Cas had his back. It makes Dean shoulders tense up the same way Castiel’s are, and he can now indeed smell the wariness coming off of Cas, even if not the cause of it.

Cas keeps looking in the same direction, and Dean now realises he has been doing so this entire time, aside from that brief moment where his eyes wouldn’t leave Dean. He’s looking somewhere into the darkness behind and beyond Dean. They are both very still at that moment, and Dean can hear something move not too far away, even if this place still seems to be fucking up his sense of smell. It sounds like something is crawling and he doesn’t like the sound of that one bit. He can barely suppress a shiver that has nothing to do with the cold.

“Where are we, Cas?” He mumbles quietly just by Castiel’s ear, trying not to attract any extra attention, since by now he’s almost sure they are not alone in here and whatever is close by isn’t anything good.

“What do you remember?” Castiel murmurs back, his eyes never leaving whatever he’s seeing over Dean’s shoulder.

What Dean remembers is that he put the nun’s bone through Dick Roman the Leviathan’s neck while Cas distracted the son of a bitch, and then Dick began oozing black goo from every possible hole he had, almost like it was his blood. But the smirk had never left his face, even as he was dying and as the air around him had begun to pulse and heat up in a worrying, ominous way. Then...he had exploded hadn’t he? Covering everything in that black goo. Dean remembers covering his eyes. The next thing he knew was that he was lying on the ground here.

“Last I remember, we ganked Dick.”

“And where was he going, in death?” Cas whispers, and he somehow seems to get even closer. Given the circumstances, Dean doesn’t like that at all.

It dawns on Dean then. “You’re telling me that...”

“Every soul here is a monster.” Cas growls, and then Dean hears that crawling noise again. It seems to be closer now than before, and he get the sense he should be either fighting or running right about now. He doesn’t turn, not wanting to make any sudden movements, but he tries to see something out of the corner of his eye. “This is where they come to prey upon each other for all eternity.”

“Can we get out of here? Or can you at least fly us somewhere further away?” Dean asks quietly, but has a feeling he already knows the answer.

“I tried already. I don’t know exactly why, but my power seems weaker since we’ve got here. I cannot fly, and I know no way for us to get away from here either.”

“You have a weapon on you?” Dean murmurs, as he slowly takes out the knife he had when they were ganking Dick from the inside of his jacket.

Castiel’s angel blade appears in his hand from his sleeve, as per usual, so it seems like he’s not quite powerless, even if he is weakened.

Dean nods softly. “It’ll have to do. Now, RUN!!”

...

They run for what seems like ages, and it probably is. Dean learns very quickly that time runs strangely in Purgatory. It doesn’t seem like there are any days or nights; it’s all basically the same greyness and coldness all day every day, constant and never-ending.

Running is not all that they do, however. Whenever they cannot get past something, they fight and they kill it. As Cas said, everything here is a monster, so it is easy to ice them without thinking on it any further. Everything in here is out to get them if they don’t get them first, and that makes ganking all these bastards all the easier. Off of human-looking monsters that carry weapons, they steal those weapons as their corpses fall if they are better than what they have on them at that time or if their own are in danger of breaking down or becoming dull. Dean also quickly notices that despite everything, he and Cas still work well together as they hunt, always attuned to each other’s subtle cues and smells in a way that Dean didn’t always even have with Sam.

Sam...Dean barely has time at first to think about his brother. Is he looking for them right now, topside? Wondering where they are, asking around about their possible whereabouts from everything and everyone he runs into? Hunting in the meantime, perhaps, when clues run out and there is nothing else to do? These are the brief thoughts he gets sometimes, but for the most part in the beginning, he doesn’t have time to think about anything except survival. He and Cas also barely talk, and when they do, it’s generally negotiating about where to head next or if they need to get any spoils of war from the monster they just did in. Mostly they simply communicate with subtle movements, expressions and glances, and soon enough are able to tell each other elaborate plans with a single tilt of the head.

They are deadly together, and despite the fear for his and Cas’ lives being constant, a part of Dean finds a sort of thrill in the adrenaline rush of this endless hunt. It reminds him of those few months after the Apocalypse-That-Wasn’t, when he and Cas were simply on the road together, just the two of them, trying to nurse their sorrow over the loss of Sam, before Cas went to visit heaven and found out about Raphael’s plans for takeover and restarting the Apocalypse; before the whole mess of them trying to find Purgatory so that Cas could gain the mojo to ice the bastard. And of course all the shit that came after that that Dean is glad he doesn’t have time to think about here.

Still, in the quieter moments he can appreciate the irony. They had once wanted to find Purgatory so badly; no wonder they eventually ended up in it.

Finally, after more time than Dean can count, they get a moment of peace, where they can rest for a bit. They settle around one of the many trees in the place, and Dean supposes he might as well try and get some sleep. He’s not nearly as tired as he probably should be, but he’s still pretty tired and there is no guarantee as to when he’ll be able to rest again.

He’s just closed his eyes when, to his surprise, Cas says: “Should I...should I find something for you to eat?”

Dean snorts at that. “And what exactly, Cas? And from where? Not many options around that I see.” Despite looking like a forest, the only thing that seems to grow in Purgatory are these impossibly tall trees and the occasional shrubbery. Even the ground is almost always bare, with no grass or any other kind of plant that would seem edible. No animals either, obviously. Only things that want to kill them and that they have to kill first if they want to stay alive. There has been the occasional stream, from which Dean has taken small drinks (much less than he should need, but doesn’t), but no food.

Cas is silent after that, but it’s the sort of tense, saddened silence that doesn’t allow Dean to rest until he says something more, because Cas smells unhappy and hurt and it makes Dean feel like shit too. “Seriously though, I’m fine. I’m not sure what it is about this place, but whatever took away your wings only seems to have made me stronger. I feel no hunger, only the occasional thirst and tiredness.” It turned out Cas could still smite things and heal, but only occasionally, and they have been conserving that power supply as much as they can for when they might really need it.

Castiel nods, thoughtfully. Despite having not talked all that much, Dean has been able to pretty much confirm that Cas seems to be as close to the man Dean let make love to and bite him on the eve of the End of the World he can be after everything he’s been through. He’s not sure if Cas has more or less mojo to him than he did back then, maybe, but his movements and gestures and expressions seem to be pretty much the same. And Dean’s pretty sure he could tell if he was faking. He hopes, at least.

But he supposes the truth is that he and Cas have barely been anything resembling mates the past year or so. Cas no longer even had his own bite to match Dean’s, the one he had made sure his powers wouldn’t heal away even after he became a full angel again, not since he was resurrected the latest time. The only thing Dean can be grateful for is that Daphne never bit Cas, and neither did Cas her. He’s not certain why not, but hasn’t really had the chance to ask. A part of him doesn’t want to, either. Then after that Dean had had to leave him and Cas from what he knows slept through most of that. After that he just...wasn’t Cas, and Dean had no idea how to talk to him, how to care for him, because Cas barely seemed to care about _him_. Dean was just another funny human to him, not the man to whom Cas had once whispered praises and words of comfort in the quiet, dark hours of the night.

He’s not sure who Cas is anymore, or what they are. Aside from that one brief moment when they’d just arrived in this armpit of God’s, there hasn’t been any tenderness between them. Cas keeps his distance even in the quieter moments, keeping watch while Dean drinks or catches a few winks of rest. He has never attempted to touch Dean or scent him, and Dean doesn’t feel like making things weird so he hasn’t said anything or initiated anything either. They fight well together, yes, which is the way things were before, but the other aspects of their relationship seem to be completely gone. Dean is only thankful that this place doesn’t give him much room to think about all that.

“Perhaps this place wishes to even things out, so to speak.” Cas muses quietly, after noting Dean hasn’t closed his eyes yet. “We all must merely run and fight and prey on each other here; nothing more, nothing less. If you were as you are on earth, you wouldn’t last very long. And I, if I could fly and kill and heal as I can elsewhere, would have an unfair advantage. I wouldn’t need to run, I could merely keep flying constantly and never have to fight.”

Dean nods too, softly. In a strange way that makes sense. Down here they are all monsters in the end, killing in order to not be killed. Savages. It doesn’t matter if Dean is human or vampire, he’s no better than anything else down here in what he does, he knows that.

He doesn’t know if it should worry him how little that thought bothers him.

With that, he begins to fall asleep, exhaustion finally taking over.

The only thing he hears before he falls under is Cas’ soft whisper: “Rest well, Dean. I’ll watch over you.”

Hearing that makes him feel at least something, stirring that old warm feeling in his ribcage, and he lets that lull him into a dreamless sleep.

...

Not long after that rest, Dean begins to feel strange. Sometimes he breaks out in sweat, which wouldn’t normally be strange under the strain he’s been going through, but this is Purgatory and though he hasn’t felt clean ever since they began running here, he also barely sweats, just like he barely eats or sleeps. He also begins to feel more tired, and needs more sleep and more occasions to drink. He still feels no hunger, but at this point, he’s thinking that might only be a matter of time too.

He wonders if the adrenaline rush is simply wearing off; that Cas was wrong in his theory and he’s just returning back to his normal human self. But Cas shows no change from before and Dean still heals as quickly as he has been. The only other thing different about Cas is the fact that he somehow seems to be even more on edge than he’s been the rest of the time they’ve been down here. He now insists on being the first to attack, and almost seems to hover in his manner. He hasn’t left Dean unguarded since they got here, true, but even that hadn’t been quite to this extent.

Cas says nothing about it, until he finally does, during another quieter moment where Dean is just about to get some rest. “Dean, we need to talk about what is wrong with you.”

Dean snorts, shrugging and lifting his arms in a show of nonchalance. “What’s there to talk about, Cas? I’m just a human, maybe this place’s finally catching up to that fact.” He doesn’t say what hangs in the air; that if this keeps on going, Dean’s chances of making it much longer are decreasing. A thought of whether or not Cas would care briefly passes through Dean’s head, but he makes it leave as soon as it comes.

“No, I don’t think it’s that. Too much time has passed for it to be that; it should’ve occurred sooner.” Cas then crouches in front of Dean, and for the first time in for what seems like forever, they are right in each other’s spaces. For people who at one point could barely keep their hands off of one another, it seems stranger than ever that this is the closest they’ve been to each other in so long. At first there seems to be no point to it, as they simply look each other deep in the eyes, Dean taking his time to rememorise everything about that face that he still holds dear but that has become so strange to him, before Cas seems to catch himself and bends himself in a way that he can scent Dean’s neck. It breaks the moment for Dean, because despite the proximity that that requires, there isn’t anything intimate about the way Cas does it. It doesn’t resemble the way he used to do, where it felt like the scent of Dean was the only air he could breathe, not seeming to be able to ever get enough of it. The way where he would also hold Dean and kiss his neck as he scented him, instead of how he now stands low all tense and distant, not even touching Dean’s neck nor any other part of him.

Before long, he backs away, and seems to nod to himself. “It is as I thought, but wasn’t completely sure until I could get a closer sense.” He rolls off, taking a seat next to Dean, making sure not to let even their hands or shoulders touch. “Your scent has changed. It is sweeter than I believe it has ever been.”

Dean can suddenly feel himself breaking out in cold sweat, finally catching a clue to what Cas is getting at. He tries to do the math in his head, but he has no idea how much time has passed since they came to this place. Still, what with having to have hidden away for most of last year, Dean had avoided going to a clinic and getting his usual shots in order to avoid being recognised, and had instead stuck to pills. And it’s been a long time since he’s had those. Even if it supposedly takes a while for the effects to get out of his system, it is becoming increasingly obvious what is wrong with him. He only feels stupid now that he hadn’t realised it before. But then, it’s difficult to think about anything except the hunt here, and he has only experienced what he is fairly sure is about to happen once in his life before he got the shots to keep them away, and that was close to 20 years ago. And it’s not like he has been needing anything else, perhaps he has begun thinking of his body as simply a killing machine meant for just survival. But apparently even Purgatory can’t erase all his bodily cravings.

“The only times your scent has come closest to what is now has been...” Cas continues.

“When we’ve been in bed together.” Dean knowingly doesn’t use the term ‘making love’ the way he had gotten used to doing when he’d still had Cas as his own. He’s not sure if it is to provoke Cas or because it just doesn’t feel right anymore. “I’m going into heat.”

Shockingly, it is that which makes Cas suddenly clutch Dean’s hand in his, holding it so strongly it almost hurts. When Dean turns to look at him, Cas’ face is pure desperation; tense, eyes wide and teeth held tightly together, as if he is one step away from growling, from getting ready to tear apart and smite anything that might try and get them now. Dean’s approaching condition also explains the hovering he’s been doing; it is the instinct of the Alpha to protect his mate when they are most vulnerable, namely during heat and pregnancy. Even though Cas lacks the bite, he’s still Dean’s True Mate and they still have a history, so of course Cas’ inner Alpha is telling him to keep Dean safe at this crucial time, no matter what.

Dean doesn’t mention any of this out loud. He simply lets Cas hold his hand, and holds his in return, as much as he can.

Cas then takes a breath. “We need to find some type of a shelter. If we can’t find one, we need to make one. With you in that state, we mustn’t be this out in the open where anything could track us by your smell.”

Dean nods. “Let’s try and get back to those caves we rested at some time ago.”

That they do. They can’t be sure when Dean will actually go into heat, so there is no time to waste on resting more ‘til then. They only run into a few monsters on the way, perhaps because they’ve already cleared so many out of their path, from those that they run into they demand information about possible shelter. Then they kill them anyway so that they won’t squeal to the others. But the intel they get leads them back to the caves, just in time.

Dean collapses the minute they get there, and when he wakes up, he’s sweating and leaking and his skin is sensitive and he’s hot and cold at the same time, but most of all he feels _empty empty empty_ and there is the constant sense of _need need need_.

He’s in heat.

...

Dean spends the beginning of it in near constant pain that he can hardly distinguish from horniness. It is not really a surprise; every doctor that had given him the suppressant shots had told him over and over that the longer he kept taking them, the more difficult and painful they would become if he chose to come off them. And that they also heightened the risk of him not being able to have children; but as a young man, Dean had hardly cared. He had always thought it would just be better that way; he may have made his peace with being stuck in the hunting life, but no way was he bringing any more children into that. And no way was he ever going to submit to some Alpha who would only think him unable to do his job just because of his Type.

Of course, that had all been before he had met Cas. Right away, in that barn in Illinois, after having woken up in a pine box, Dean had been able to tell something in him was changed forever. He tried to deny it, tried to keep distrusting Cas, but could never really treat him as an enemy. Sooner rather than later, they were having conversations in Dean’s dreams, and Dean had found himself telling Cas things he had never told anybody else, and Cas returning in the like. And Cas had never treated Dean any different, even though he knew what Dean was. To him, Dean was just another warrior, another soldier. Indeed, over the years Dean had seen angels of all Types – Alpha, Beta and Omega alike – and it seemed that their Types had nothing to do with how they were ranked or what occupations they held. It was merely something that dictated who were more compatible as mates to each other; nothing more, nothing less. And Cas’ faith for Dean had been something that had amazed him time and time again, even though Cas was almost equally exasperated by him. Dean didn’t think anyone had ever held such faith in him before, and it sometimes managed to make him believe in himself slightly more, too. By the time Cas sacrificed himself to try and give Dean time to stop Sam from freeing Lucifer, Dean had known. No matter what anyone might think, he isn’t an idiot. And it wasn’t the first time he’d been in love, though there hadn’t been many before. And never quite like that.

Then, during the Apocalypse itself, Dean had figured that if the world was coming to an end, as the Castiel in that fucked up world of 2014 _(still by his side, even after everything that had been fucked up for him because of that...)_ had so adequately put, “Why not bang a few gongs before the lights go out?” And it had also seemed like one more way to make sure that that world never came to pass; a world where he had denied Cas and Cas had turned to every warm body available to compensate. He had been half-thinking about it ever since he and Cas went after Raphael together, but Cas hadn’t seemed particularly interested in any type of intimacy, with Dean or Chastity, so he hadn’t wanted to push it. But after seeing that fucked up world, he didn’t think any kind of possible rejection from Cas could create anything as bad as that.

So when Cas had retrieved him that night, got him to safety from that dick Zachariah, Dean had leaned over and kissed him. A small, simple, light touch at the corner of Cas’ mouth.

It had earned him a smile. And it had been the beginning of it all.

They had kept stealing moments with each other after that, trying to get as much time together as possible in-between trying to save the world. Then, finally, before what they thought would be the big showdown to try and kill the Devil with the Colt, they had silently agreed to take the last step. If they might all die in a few days, they better go to their end as united. So, they rented a hotel room – a nice one for once instead of one of those dingy, suspicious motel rooms Dean and Sam generally used for themselves – and had bitten each other while making love. They had pleasured each other in other ways before as well, yes, but that had been the first time Dean had allowed Cas to knot him too.

Still, even afterwards when Sam had been in the cage and he and Cas had been on the road together, Dean never came off his suppressants and Cas never asked him to. He always said it was Dean’s own choice what he wished to do with his body, and Cas wouldn’t pressure him for pups if Dean didn’t wish for any. And later, well...it just hadn’t been an option.

Less reason to have a heat when there are Leviathan afoot and your mate is apparently dead.

So yes. This is Dean’s first time experiencing this since that first time that every Omega must have, when they present sometime during their teenage years. And it is a pain and a fever so strong that most of the time at first Dean doesn’t know what is real and what is not. He thinks he sleeps through some of it, but even in sleep it feels like he can’t escape the pain. He also thinks Cas makes him drink water occasionally, and that he maybe soothes his hair and feverish forehead a few times. But he never attempts anything more, of that Dean is sure because he’d know, and he doesn’t know if that makes him feel gratitude or just bitterness and misery.

Eventually, though he doesn’t know how long after, Dean’s head clears some and most of the pain goes away. It’s enough that he’s more in his senses and can make out his surroundings, but the heat itself isn’t yet gone, and doesn’t seem like it’s going to go anywhere anytime soon.

When he comes to, he realises he’s been using Cas’ trenchcoat _(the coat he kept when Cas was gone, the one he sometimes curled around in bed when the pain seemed most unbearable and when he was drunk, and which holds Cas’ smell in it, despite everything it’s been through)_ as a pillow. Cas himself is sitting close by, looking at the wall opposite of the small, tight cave they are in, but when he notices Dean moving, he turns his head.

His eyes are all dark and his breathing is a little heavy, his scent intoxicating to Dean in its arousal, but he is still careful and slow with his movements, not coming any closer, as if Dean is a wounded, spooked animal that he doesn’t want to frighten more.

“Are you all right? How are you feeling?” He queries softly, quietly.

“A little better.” Dean gasps out, and has to cringe at the sound of his voice, because his throat is drier than parchment. He coughs a little, trying to clear it.

Cas moves closer then, lifting up a cup that looks like it’s made of bark from the ground next to him, and that has some water in it. He hands it over to Dean. “Here, drink.”

Dean does so, so greedily that he spills some over himself. He feels dirty and sweaty, and his pants are pretty much ruined with all the slick he’s been producing. The whole cave reeks of him and his pheromones and heat. And yet his mate, the one who should find him just about irresistible in his current state, hasn’t so much as kissed him, even if he’s clearly not unaffected by Dean’s smell. It’s fucked up that it makes Dean’s throat close up, because he knows he’d probably just be angry if Cas had touched him while he was too delirious to tell him to get away. But it still hurts that apparently Cas no longer wants him.

Dean wonders if it has anything to do with the way Cas behaved when he was crazy. To Dean, he was cold and avoidant, but he’d stuck close to _Meg_ of all people. Talking to her, touching her, speaking some nonsense of her “thorny beauty”. Dean at the time had been able to comfort himself with the thought that Cas wasn’t himself, and that it was natural he would stick close to the one whom he saw as his caretaker, as a kind of mother figure even, seeing as he was almost like a child in that state. But now Dean has to wonder if there was something more to it than that, something that hasn’t been erased by the fact that Cas now has his marbles back.

Dean is the one who is always going on about free will, after all. True Mates or not _(and he knows he and Cas are that, cheesy as it sounds, because nothing and no one can make him feel like Cas so soon, so fast, and Cas had said so in kind in their quieter, more sentimental moments together)_ , it doesn’t always guarantee love, or that there will never be anyone else. And technically now, Dean is still Cas’ mate, but Cas isn’t _his_. Without the bite, Dean has no claim whatsoever in the eyes of anyone else on Cas. There is only history there, and what he himself feels. Regarding Cas and how he feels, he can’t be sure of anything anymore.

Cas takes the cup from him and begins to rise. “I’ll get you some more from the fountain-”

Dean rushes to stop him, grabbing his wrist before he even really realises it. Cas stops, looks down at him, and Dean suddenly feels so small. He still refuses to lower his eyes, but the look in Cas’ eyes makes it impossible for him to lie or pretend like he hadn’t just done that.

“Don’t go.” _Don’t leave me_ is unsaid, but Dean thinks Cas can still hear it. He’s always been good at reading Dean.

Cas crouches in front of him then, and takes a hold of his hands so that the cup rests between them. Dean’s hands tingle and Cas is now so close that he can clearly smell him, and it both lulls and drugs him, and he can’t get enough of it. He can smell that Cas is indeed aroused, but there is wariness to him as well, and fright. He meets Dean’s eyes head-on, and they are kind but sad. “I will return shortly. You need to drink more first.”

Dean swallows, and they keep looking into each other’s eyes for a few more moments, before Dean slowly nods. To his surprise, Cas kisses the tip of his middle finger before letting go, standing up and leaving the cave.

He returns quickly and gives Dean more water, and yeah, he has to admit he needs it. He drinks a little slower this time, trying not to waste any more of it. Cas takes the cup when he’s done.

“Do you want more?” He queries.

“Not right now.” Despite his horrible state, it seems Dean still doesn’t need as much to drink as he usually would in heat, and he feels much improved already. Besides, pathetic as it is, he doesn’t want Cas to go again. He needs him here, where he can see and smell and touch him, but doesn’t know how to tell him that anymore. Doesn’t know how to ask Cas to help him.

Castiel nods softly, his eyes and scent concerned and sad still. “I was unsure what to expect, or how to care for you in your state. I’ve never experienced such a thing before...”

“You did okay, Cas.” Dean reassures him. “But it’s not over yet.”

“No, I suppose not.” Cas sighs. “Do you wish to sleep through it? I believe I can still do that for you at least.”

“You shouldn’t waste your mojo on that.” Dean says. “Is that what you’ve been doing so far?”

“No. You slept through most of it by your own volition. I have, however, done my best to ease your pain when you’ve seemed at your worst.”

Dean has to scoff at that. “And yet it didn’t occur to you to just go and do the obvious?”

Cas raises an eyebrow at that. “The obvious?”

Dean almost laughs, but another wave of fever and slick goes over him and he knows it’s just about to get worse again, though he can’t be sure how much worse. This is not the time to be stalling, not if he wants to get any sort of relief. If Cas is willing to give any to him, that is. He won’t make him if he no longer wants Dean like Dean always wants and will always want him, no matter how crappy he might end up feeling. But if there is even a small chance, and the little kiss on his finger before seemed to imply there is, Dean needs to ask so he can receive. Still, he supposes Cas’ confusion is one of the reasons he fell in love with him in the first place; the fact that Cas has never treated him as less, and has always respected his feelings, seeing anything else as something seemingly ludicrous and impossible. “Even you must know what an Omega in heat wants the most, Cas.”

Cas’ eyes widen, and his scent becomes filled with arousal once more, his pupils dilating, either due to Dean’s words or the intensification of his scent. He just sits there and stares at Dean with those familiar blue eyes for a moment, speechless, before he gathers himself and clears his throat, probably trying to clear his mind and thoughts in the process. “I wouldn’t take advantage of you in such a state, Dean. You couldn’t have said no, as out of it as you were. Therefore, you couldn’t have said yes either. It was not for me to make assumptions like that.”

There is something profoundly sad in Cas’ eyes then, even more so than before, and then he says: “You have to believe me when I say that.”

Dean huddles closer to Cas then, taking a hold of his hand, not daring to do anything else yet, now him being the one who doesn’t want to spook the other. “Of course I know, Cas. But I have my wits back now, and I am asking you, if you’re willing to give. Just...help me, please.”

But Cas still doesn’t seem convinced. “You’re certain? I...” he murmurs. “I’ve hurt you terribly, Dean. I’ve hurt Sam. I haven’t even apologised, not really, and nothing I ever do can make things right again...”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Cas. That wasn’t you, surely you know that? You had the Leviathan inside of you, you weren’t yourself...”

“Yes, but the pain I’ve caused you is still real. When Sam didn’t have his soul, he hurt people, and he also hurt you, both physically and emotionally. Just because it wasn’t him doesn’t erase that pain. And neither does the fact whether or not it was really me or not.”

That’s when Dean makes his decision, takes a leap of faith and pulls Cas into his arms, holding him there tightly. Traditionally, it’s always the Alpha who is supposed to comfort the Omega, and the Alpha isn’t supposed to burden the Omega with their troubles because they can’t handle such things, but they’ve never been a traditional couple like that. And the way Dean sees it, they’re a partnership. They support each other. And right now Cas needs his support and comfort, so he will provide it, in any way he can.

“You may be right. It doesn’t erase the pain. But you said it yourself, you heard that I forgive you. And I do, Cas, I do. So please...try and forgive yourself too. I know it’s not easy, I really do, believe me, but if you can’t...there is still something you do need to know.” He leans back so he can look Cas in the eyes, but he keeps his arms around him. “Nothing that has happened has changed the way I feel about you. When I thought you were gone, I...” he trails off. It’s not the time to go there and quite frankly he’s not ready. It hasn’t been long enough. Cas may be alive again, but it doesn’t quite erase the pain or the grief Dean felt. Because in a way, certain things have died with Cas in that reservoir. Things are different now between them, they themselves are different. Whatever they are together, it won’t ever be quite the same as it was before. But it doesn’t mean it can’t be as good, or even better, either. “I missed you so much. I don’t wanna be without you anymore.”

“I missed you too,” Cas sighs softly. “When I was Emmanuel. I didn’t remember, but I still missed you. I felt as if a part, like a limb, was missing from me. Daphne could never fill that void, though I did try and make her. That’s why I never...” he trails off, but Dean gets it. That’s why he never bit Daphne, and Dean takes pleasure out of that. Daphne might’ve been his wife for a time, but Cas was still Dean’s. It makes his heart lighter, and he feels joy for the first time in so long. “Then, when you arrived, I knew right away what I’d been missing. But you had been marked, so I didn’t pursue it.”

“You can pursue it now, Cas. It’s okay.” Dean whispered, cradling Cas’ face then with his hand, stroking his cheek with his thumb. Then, feeling that Cas might be still hesitant, he says: “It’s only you, always. No one else. Just you. I need _you_.” It’s as close as he can come to reassuring Cas it’s not just the heat talking. That Dean wouldn’t just take it from anyone. It’s just because he’s Cas, and because he’s Dean, and because together they are Cas &Dean, and he wants that once more. To feel that connection, that love.

Cas seems to get it, because he kisses him then. He doesn’t fuck around with it either. It’s all roughness and passion and wildness, like Dean is the oasis and Cas is a man who’s been wandering the desert forever. Like Cas can only draw life from him. It’s like the old days when Dean needed to just forget for a while, and Cas provided him with distraction, but there is something more to it. Something like gratitude, like familiarity.

Like coming home.

They kiss for a while, not even moving to remove each other’s clothing. It’s strange, because Dean should feel the urgency to do that, what with the heat and all, but he seems perfectly content to just be with Cas like this, and kiss him until he can no more.

Finally, Cas draws back. “I can smell you’re about to go under, so I need to ask while you can still properly answer: I will help you find release in any way I can, but should I avoid knotting you? You once said you didn’t want pups and you’re not on birth control here. Do you still feel that way?”

Dean thinks it a moment. But yeah, Purgatory, one of the most dangerous places in all of creation. Not the right place or the right time to get pregnant, even if Dean wanted to. And Cas knows his body; and Dean knows he can bring him all kinds of pleasure even without his dick. So...

“Yeah, no knotting.”

Cas nods, then proceeds to kiss Dean again, this time getting to the removing of clothing part as well. Just in time.

...

It doesn’t go away.

Cas is true to his word, and he brings Dean relief with his mouth and his hands alone. He eats Dean out like he’s starved for him and Dean’s his favourite meal, he sucks his cock like it’s the only thing in the world he wants to do, fingers him till Dean cries and does amazing things with his hand on Dean’s dick. And all the while he still remains tender and he kisses Dean and holds him in between the waves of heat as they lie in the nest of their joined clothing, not even caring about his own pleasure. But Dean is a man who likes to return the favour, so he does. Besides, he’s also quite starved for Cas’ body that he has missed so very much. Now he has time to re-familiarise himself with it.

When Dean is sated for the moments in between orgasms, they talk about things. About what they’ve been doing over this past year and how it has affected them both. It’s not exactly nice to hear about Cas’ experiences as Emmanuel for the most part, but Dean knows he needs to know about them regardless, so he will know what kind of a person Cas is now, after those experiences. And it’s not all bad. He finds he rather enjoys hearing about the people Cas healed as Emmanuel, because his eyes shine with such joy and pride and contentment when he talks about them. And, well, it’s probably not nice for Cas either to hear about how much Dean suffered when he was gone from him, but it’s still something he needs to hear. At least it gives him further indication that Dean cares, and always has cared, even when he felt hurt by the actions of Castiel when he was God.

It’s a bit like when they first met and were just getting to know each other, except somehow both easier and more painful. It’s easier for Dean to reveal his feelings for Cas than it was back when he didn’t know him, but at the same time it’s more painful because there is more between the two of them. They both now have the power to hurt one another more than they did back then, and it’s not exactly a light talk, but Dean does feel like it’s bringing them closer together once more. Cas is beginning to feel more and more like that man he rode with for months, and Dean feels like he’s falling in love all over again. It’s strange to think about the fact that they’re sorting out their relationship while Dean is in heat in Purgatory of all places, but he supposes beggars can’t be choosers. In any case, it’s better that they get these things sorted out, because they need to be able to trust one another when they get out there to fight once more. So far nothing has come past their hiding place or found them, but that sort of peace won’t be waiting outside their little sanctuary. There is also no guarantee how long they will be stuck down here, or if they will even get out at all (though he avoids thinking about that particular scenario), and for the time they remain here, they will only have each other for company. It’s better when it’s a company that is dear and trusted.

But the heat lasts. Dean’s no expert, and again it’s difficult to tell the time in this place, but it feels like it just goes on and on and on, and doesn’t seem to be fading away, nor are the periods where he’s not gagging for it get longer like they should.

Then, after a while, he thinks he’s figured it out. Since the beginning, Purgatory has brought him back down to his base instincts - the need to survive. Although he requires very little to eat, to drink, to sleep, apparently some bare needs are being brought to surface. Needs like making sure a genetic trace of Dean is left behind, even if he himself doesn’t survive. The need to mate, to _breed_. He can’t know if it would be like this if Cas wasn’t with him, if he didn’t have a mate, but it also matches everything he’s read and heard about mated Omegas; that when they come off their possible suppressants, they are insatiable and in the need of their mates until there is a pup growing in their belly. What is happening to him is basically that, but likely enhanced further by Purgatory.

When he realises this, he thinks it over as much as he can before he brings it up with Cas. To be honest, it’s not much of a choice. It’s out of Dean’s hands now, and he hates it. But he’s still Dean Winchester; he does what he can with the cards handed to him. So, after an orgasm induced by Cas swallowing him down as he fingered him, Dean says:

“When the next wave hits, I need you to knot me.”

Cas gasps where he is spooned at Dean’s back, rising to lean on his elbow. Dean turns to him in a similar position. Cas says nothing, and his eyes and scent are telling Dean to explain, so he does: “Cas, you must’ve realised something’s off here too. I know I’ve been off my heats for a long time and it’s hard to tell time in this place, but...nothing seems to change. The waves come and go, and there are no longer pauses between them, no less desire when they come. I think it’s some part of Purgatory doing it...telling us that the only way for this to be over is for me to get knocked up.”

Cas swallows, and there is pain in everything he is, and Dean takes his hand in comfort. He can’t do more than hold him right now, when he needs Cas to keep his eyes on him, to know Dean is serious, that he means business.

They are silent for a moment before Cas whispers, voice rough, eyes wet: “But you do not wish for children.”

Dean squeezes his hand tighter, brings it against his chest. “I wouldn’t say that, exactly. I like kids a lot. I just didn’t want to bring them to the hunting life or...be the one to carry them, because I always felt like it made me something _less_. And I knew I wouldn’t be able to hunt when pregnant, and if anything got to me...” he shakes his head, knowing he won’t win Cas over with such words. “But it’s always been different with you, Cas. You’ve always made me want things I didn’t think I could ever get, and then you let me have them.” He kisses Cas’ hand then. “I know the circumstances suck, but I’m glad that it’ll be your pup I’ll carry. I wouldn’t carry anyone else’s.”

Cas caresses his face with his free hand, and there are still tears in his eyes now threatening to spill, his scent pure sorrow. It’s a strange sight. Dean’s seen and smelled Cas sad a lot, but he’s always avoided crying, at least when Dean could see him. Dean’s not even sure why he’s tearing up now. Is the idea of a pup so terrible to him? Or does he fear what might happen to the pup here? Or that they can’t care for them properly?

Cas says then: “You always said you didn’t want children in the hunting life. What if we can’t get out of here? They will be born in the middle of a terrible battle, one that they can perhaps never get out of.”

“I know, I don’t like it either. But I think for now we need to think of it as a bridge we’ll cross when we get to it. I’m not even sure if I can get pregnant anymore in the first place.” Dean’s passed what are regularly seen as the highest fertility years for an Omega by far, and he has put his body through a lot more than an Omega is expected to handle, not to mention his high usage of suppressants. “If I take and then lose the baby, that’s what will happen. We’ll mourn and move on. If the baby gets to be born, we’ll do all we can to keep them alive and safe. We can’t know what’s gonna happen. But what we do know is that this isn’t going away on its own, and it puts us both at risk. We’ve been lucky so far, but I’m pretty sure sooner or later something is gonna find us here and that could be the end for us. While we’re stuck here we’re also not looking for a way forward, or out. So I say we need to at least try, just so we can get a move on again.”

A single tear spills on Cas’ cheek. “I so wish it didn’t have to be like this.”

“You and me both.” Dean mumbles, and now steps over to hold Cas. Cas holds him too, clutches him in fact, like he thinks he can shield Dean from everything like that. “But it is what it is. We just need to try and make the best of it.” The he thinks of something. “Unless...if you don’t want to knot me.”

Cas pulls back then, holding Dean’s shoulders so hard in his hands that it hurts, digging his fingernails into Dean’s skin. His scent and eyes are ablaze with anger and hurt. “I _always_ want you, Dean. Never question or doubt that, for we are one. To doubt your desirability, and therefore yourself, is equal to doubting me, and I won’t allow such a thing.”

Dean gulps, and again, another thing that is different with Cas compared to how it is with everyone else. Alphas raising their voices tend to scare Dean normally – and he always covers it up with anger and self-righteousness, though those are also feelings that he’s certainly not lacking when some knothead Alpha thinks they can tell Dean what to do. With Cas, it seems like proof of Cas’ strength, of the fact he is worthy of Dean, and his words also affirm Dean is worthy of him. Cas’ righteous anger at the face of Dean belittling himself is insanely hot, and it makes Dean’s throat a little dry and the heat to hum under his skin once more.

Cas takes another breath, trying to calm himself, though Dean can tell he can smell what he’s doing to Dean, and also likely trying to keep a rational mind to say what else he needs to say: “Dean, another matter is that I do not know how much I am an angel right now. I don’t know what our child would be, if we should succeed in making one. They may not be...entirely human.”

Dean takes both of Cas’ hands then. “Another bridge to cross when we get to it, I’d say. All I know is I’ll love our pup, no matter what they are, because they will be both yours and mine. And I’ll do all I can to keep them safe, should anything threaten them for what they may or may not be.”

Castiel nods. “And I swear I shall do the same.”

They kiss on it, almost like a demon contract, but much sweeter, like a promise or a vow. And that seems to be all that is needed to be said on the matter. That first kiss turns into more, and Dean begins to get slick again, the scent of his and Cas’ joined arousal filling the cave. Dean ends up underneath Cas as on so many occasions before, but for the first time like this in a long while. The thought of Cas’ knot inside him for the first time in so long makes his head woozy with expectation. He hasn’t known that type of intimacy, that way of joining together with his mate in so long. Cas seems to agree, because Dean can already feel him getting hard, too, after so little foreplay. There isn’t much need for it. Dean is still so wet and loose from all the other stuff they’ve been doing that this really seems like the sweetest dessert at the end of a very satisfying meal. There is no need for anything else, when they’ve already done most of it anyway over the past days. Still, it is tender, Cas never ceasing to give him kisses everywhere; on lips, on nose, on neck and even chest and nipples even though Dean insists he doesn’t need to do that (a few heat waves ago, Cas only made him come with nipple stimulation). They hold hands too, and look each other in the eyes, touching the tips of each other’s noses with their own as they do so.

Then Dean is finally feeling Cas’ tip by his entrance, and Cas whispers: “Are you absolutely certain?”

Dean smirks a little deviously at that. “I swear to your Dad, Cas, if you don’t put it there and make love to me right now, I won’t be responsible for the consequences.”

So Cas does, and it is only when he kisses Dean again deeply as he slides home that Dean realises he said “making love” and meant it. Because that’s what this is, and what they have been doing is. Cas is doing this all out of love for him, trying to make him feel better, trying to make everything easier for him and so that they can have a chance of getting out. With the hand that’s not clutching Cas’, Dean holds his back and strokes the hairs at his neck. Another strange thing about Purgatory is that Cas’ weakened mojo apparently makes him grow hair. He’s beginning to sport a beard and his hair’s getting longer. What is especially strange that it doesn’t seem to apply to Dean; he’s dirty, yes, but other than that he looks pretty much the same as he did when they arrived.

“I love you so much, Dean.” Cas murmurs to him as he gently moves inside of him. It’s even better than Dean remembers, and despite all the sex he’s been getting, he doesn’t think he’ll last long. “You’re...”

Cas doesn’t finish what he was planning to say. Perhaps words fail him. If it is anything Dean is thinking right now, he gets why. Cas is magnificent and breathtakingly beautiful above him, his eyes still sparkling with tears but he’s also smiling. His hair is all mussed up, and Dean strokes it down the back of his head, giving him another kiss.

“So’re you.” He whispers against Cas’ lips. “Love ya, Cas. Never stopped.”

Cas starts to cry for real then, but Dean thinks it’s out of happiness. He feels his own throat closing up too, his eyes stinging, so he holds Cas both to comfort him and to hide his own tears. Cas’ pace gets faster and Dean can tell it’s not far off now, especially when Cas takes a hold of Dean’s dick and begins pumping. Sweet, strange Alpha that, always making sure Dean climaxes if not before, then at the same time as him.

Dean’s own release is just coming, and he can feel Cas’ knot beginning to form when Cas’ lips come right by his ear and he hisses: “I want you...to bite me. Mark me again, Dean. I am yours, and you are mine, and we’re one. Never again shall we part, and the bite will remain. Make me your Alpha again Dean, as you are my Omega.”

It’s those words that make Dean weep in earnest, and make his release spill over, and he does what Cas asks and sinks his teeth into his neck, at the very same spot he had bitten him before, until Cas’ death-that-wasn’t had taken it away.

As he tastes blood, he feels and smells Cas’ release and knot inside him, but that is everything. After that, it’s just darkness.

...

When Dean wakes up again, he’s no longer in heat and he’s slept longer than he so far ever has in Purgatory. Cas holds him when he wakes up.

“I can smell the change. Our child grows within you.”

Dean’s not sure how he feels now that it’s been confirmed that his fertility apparently hasn’t up and left him. Still, he’s made his bed and he now has to lie in it. What he said remains true, however; at least now they can get moving, because no way is Dean staying put any longer, pregnant or not. As he said, he’ll do all that he can, but Purgatory isn’t the ideal place to have pups; if he loses them, then he’ll lose them. He needs to remain rational about this, try and find a way out and kill everyone that stands in the way of that.

He doesn’t say any of this to Cas, but he knows Cas gets it, has always got it in the way no one else has. They simply put their grimy, gross garments back on, and get back to moving after Dean has had some water to drink from the fountain.

Still, certain things do change with the pup now growing in Dean’s belly. They have more of a purpose now, and are more focused. When in the past they only ganked the sons of bitches that posed a threat, they now go after them first, trying to gather information. They agreed that if there is any way out, the monsters that have spent eternities down here must have heard of it, even if it might just be rumours. They’ve done more with less intel. This also means that sometimes they need to split up momentarily, because one possible source might be in the opposite direction than the other. Even before they left the cave again, Dean made Cas swear he wouldn’t hover, that he wouldn’t treat Dean differently just because there is a child involved, no matter what his Alpha brain might tell him. Cas struggles with it sometimes, and hates splitting up, but he never argues even though he hesitates when Dean marks their individual targets. Dean doesn’t like splitting up either, because he wants to keep Cas safe as much as Cas wants to keep him safe, and his pregnant brain wants to be close to his mate, but again, he needs to be able to put his feelings aside and think about this logically. It’s the only way they might have a chance of getting out.

They fight on and on, and days blur together even more than they did in the beginning. To his surprise, despite the enormous strain on his body, Dean doesn’t lose the baby. In fact, he begins rounding up little by little. By that they find two more uses for the monsters; the human-looking ones they rob of their clothes when Dean’s jeans and shirts begin to get tight. It gives Cas something else to wear than the hospital scrubs, too, though Dean finds the pants Cas had are a good fit to his growing belly with their elastic band.

The non-human looking ones, they roast for Dean to eat as meat.

Dean still doesn’t particularly feel hunger, but both he and Cas agree that the baby will still need nourishment, so Dean eats what he or Cas manage to kill and cook over the fire built on the wood of Purgatory. It’s even more savage than what they’ve been doing before, and a part of Dean feels sick for eating and therefore having inside him something so vile, but again, beggars can’t be choosers, and he gets that he does need to eat for the pup. Their life is more important to Dean than his disgust, he soon finds himself thinking.

In the quieter moments, Cas caresses the bump as he holds Dean to keep him warm and to just be close, and Dean sometimes wakes to hear him talking to it. Dean himself almost cries when he feels the first kick, blaming himself getting so chocked up on his hormones. They’re both becoming attached to this child, and the thought of losing them becomes more and more unbearable with each moment. So much so that one day, when they are split up again but Dean has already ganked his monster-girl who knew bupkis, he steers his gaze up to the grey skies of Purgatory, much like he once did to a night sky after a horrible Valentine’s Day and hisses: “If you’re out there, God, then give this pup a chance. And you of all people should know I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t mean it.”

It’s pathetic, but it’s all he has, because the only one he used to pray to is as helpless in all this as Dean is.

Dean doesn’t know if it’s his prayer or if the child is just strong, but all it does is keep on growing and Dean actually begins to feel hunger sometimes with it. Which means more meat that he eats. He’s grateful for the baby’s resilience, and whispers it to Cas one time when they’re resting.

“I am too. I pray for both of your success and safety every moment I can in my mind.”

Dean holds him. Cas so rarely asks for anything, from anyone, let alone the Father that abandoned and let him down at his greatest times of need, so he knows this means at least as much to Cas as it does to him, if not more.

He still won’t eat human-looking monsters, but he eats more, even the times he doesn’t feel like it. For Cas, and for the pup.

...

It’s perhaps around month six by Dean’s estimates that are mostly based on pictures on sex ed. books that he was forced to view in high school that they finally hear something useful. A werewolf Cas caught has heard rumours of a “portal” that leads out of Purgatory, but has no further intel, so he ends up dead. They all do, whether they have anything to say or not, but the death to those who know nothing is usually quicker.

Dean and Cas are beginning to get recognition and rumours of their own as well. It is not so rare anymore that when they corner a monster they are referred to as “the human” and “the angel”. Now that they know something, they always ask about this supposed portal first. Some have heard of it, and say that it basically wants to spit Dean outta here because Dean’s human and his soul doesn’t belong in Purgatory. After so long, Dean’s not even sure if they are right in that statement anymore. But no one knows where the portal is located, or is at least willing to tell (though against him and Cas, Dean doesn’t exactly suspect anyone would lie or not tell if they had the chance).

One resting period, Cas says to him: “They all say the portal is for humans, Dean. There is no guarantee I, too, will be able to pass through.”

Dean turns to him. “I’ll get you out with us if it’s the last thing I do. I’m not leaving here without you.”

“Dean,” Cas says gently, holding his hands, eyes sad but serious. His scent determined. “I think we should discuss this. All of this. If you will give birth to our child, there might be unseen complications. You’re a male Omega, and there are risks to such births, especially with a body-type such as yours.” Dean huffs. Doctors everywhere always remarked on his narrow, not-exactly-childbearing hips. “Don’t huff at me, for you know I adore every atom of you, but it is still a fact. I will help as much as I can with what power I have, but what if I can only save one of you? You said at the beginning we should let the pup go if it came to it but-”

“No.” Dean says, firmly, almost angrily. “If it comes to me and the pup, save the pup. I’ve lived a life, Cas. The pup deserves to be born and to live their life. So please, if it’s me or them...”

“Then you see how I feel, Dean.” Cas says, stroking Dean’s face. “If you and the pup can get out, but I can’t, I want you to go. You’ll be safer out of here, and the knowledge of that you are will be enough for me.”

Dean laughs miserably. Somehow they’ve come to this; from being rational thinkers hellbent on simply surviving this shithole to putting their unborn child above everything. But he guesses that’s what parenthood is, and what becoming a father means.

“I won’t give up on you though, if I can’t take you with us. I’ll find a way to get you out on the other side. So you better survive ‘til I can, you hear me?”

Cas kisses him and it’s like another vow, his scent full of love. “You wouldn’t be the man I love if you wouldn’t.”

...

It takes another month, Dean assumes, but they, or rather he, finally finds someone with info. Dean’s doing a solo-gig with a vamp that’s probably been dead since the 19th century at the latest, by the look of his clothes and long hair. Dean ganks him, having had him held against a tree before he beheads him, but just when he’s about to leave, a roar comes right by him and he’s tackled to a ground by what looks like a rabid vampire, fangs bared and barking like a wild dog. Dean’s weapon has left his hand by the impact of falling to the ground, and he tries to reach for it before he’s doomed, but trying to keep the crazy one from biting his face into a bloody mess in the meantime proves more than he can handle. He’s just thinking of praying goodbye to Cas with an apology and a wish for Cas to keep on going, when another body shoots out of nowhere, not to doom him further but seemingly to assist him. That other body, a large man with short light hair and a bearded face, tackles the vampire off of him, then gets on top of the rabid one, baring his own fangs and then beheading him with his own weapon.

Dean’s first instinct after seeing all this is to check himself – and more specifically the baby bump – for any damage. He doesn’t feel any, and there is no pain around his stomach to indicate the pup was harmed. So he gets his weapon, guard back up, and stands. The pup kicks, and Dean feels he can relax at least on that front. He’s wary, but he also wants to know why this other vampire saved him, especially since he’s still not making a move to try and kill Dean himself. In fact, he’s putting his fangs away and smiling down at the corpse.

“What? No thanks for saving your hide?” The vampire speaks with a Cajun accent, and his clothes seem slightly more modern than that of the previous vampire Dean killed, though they are still worn-down.

“Sure.” Dean holds up his weapon. “I won’t shove this up your ass.”

The vampire makes a sound at the back of his throat. “Awful strange way to punch your meal-ticket, friend. I got somethin’ you need.”

Dean is intrigued now. It seems this vamp knows the rumours of him and Cas, and what they are looking for. Dean feels a surge of hope, but makes sure not to show it, nor let his guard or weapon down. “And what’s that?”

“I know where the portal outta here is.”

“Prove it.”

“Nah. Ya’re either in or ya’re out.” The vamp says, and there is a bit of mischievousness to his grin.

Dean bites the inside of his cheek in annoyance. “So you just wanna guide me out of Purgatory out of the kindness of your undead heart?”

“More or less.” The vampire says.

A trade, then. “What’s in it for you?”

“I’m hoppin’ a ride.”

“What?”

“It’s a human portal, jackass, as I’m sure you already kno’. So, I show you the door, ‘n you hop my soul to the other side.”

“So you’re looking for a soul train.” Dean scoffs. He can’t really tell anything by the vamp’s scent, Purgatory dulling his sense of smell to anything but general smells that he uses for tracking. Still, he has to admit he’s seriously considering it. It’s the first solid clue they’ve had in a very long time, and they don’t have many weeks left want to get out before Dean pops. And Dean would very much like to get out before that, just to not be in constant danger during the last months. And if this vampire is lying or attempts anything, he and Cas can just kill him. There will be two against one, so Dean almost believes the vampire might be telling the truth, for his own sake if for nothing else. And it is a fair trade. Dean’s end of the bargain also doesn’t include promising not to gank the vamp topside right after resurrecting him, either.

“Sure, if that’s what you’re into.” The vamp says. “So, we have a deal?”

Dean doesn’t think anymore. He trusts logic on this one, too, but also emotion. And he wants out with his pup and mate, yesterday.

“All right.” Dean mumbles. “Follow me, we’ll find my mate.”

“Three’s a crowd, Chief.” The vampire says. “I can’t guarantee your angel will make it out.”

“Yeah, I know. But we won’t know if we won’t try. You in or you out?”

“Fine, fine.” he says, holding up his hands as a sign of surrender. “The name’s Benny, by the way.”

“...Dean.” He might as well tell him that, he doesn’t want to be called “human” all through this.

Dean leads Benny back to Cas, though he tells him to stay a bit further off as Dean goes over it all with Cas. He makes it clear that he trusts the vamp just about as far as he can throw him (which wouldn’t be much; Benny really is a large man), but Cas quickly agrees it’s the best option they’ve got for now. And that if it doesn’t work, they can always kill him.

So off they go.

...

The portal is far, because apparently they’ve come to basically the opposite end of Purgatory trying to find intel on it, which is more than a little ironic. They go back to only fighting what tries to stop them from moving, but apparently there are downsides to fame because it seems like everything now wants to be the one to kill “the human” and “the angel”. Benny complains about it, telling them that they are abominations in Purgatory that draw everything to them, but he doesn’t run in the face of danger either and instead fights with them, and doesn’t half-ass it either. It makes everything a bit easier because Dean’s movements are becoming a bit more sluggish as his belly keeps on growing, and in any case he needs to try and take it a little easier so he won’t go into premature labour. At the same time, Dean tries to get more used to the idea that it is now becoming more and more likely that the baby will live. They are a tough little thing, and Dean has some faith in their survival now too. That means that Dean will soon have to be a father, a parent to a tiny being that will be entirely dependent on him and Cas. He is also beginning to wonder whether the child will indeed be supernatural somehow. It feels almost impossible for a human baby to have survived all this in his womb. Still, though he’s freaking out about whether or not he can even be a parent, he also finds he’s looking forward to meeting the pup. He wants them now, has wanted for a while. Perhaps even longer than he has cared to admit, but didn’t think he’d ever get to have this. But even if they get out, there are still many monsters on earth that would love to get their smarmy hands on Dean Winchester’s pup. He’ll need to find a place for them that is safe. Though hopefully Cas will get his mojo back and can maybe shield a location for them that they can all live in together as a family.

It sounds nice, thinking that. Dean hasn’t had a proper home since he was a small child. Perhaps he can now have that. Sam could come with them too, and Dean can’t help but smile at the thought of his ginormous brother holding his tiny, tiny little pup. Sammy would probably cry when he saw them, too. With Benny showing them the way and not seeming too eager to betray them (Dean’s even grudgingly beginning to trust him, though Cas is still wary. But that may just be because Benny is an Alpha and the Alpha in Cas sees him as competition), Dean dares to have hope.

Then they run into Leviathan. Dean had almost forgotten them, but they are probably ones that were ganked post-Dick, and could actually be killed and sent down here. Dean manages to behead one, but one gets a jump on Cas, pinning him on the ground and is just about to eat him and Dean’s too far away to get to him in time, there is no way he can – and then Benny swoops in and kills the Levi holding Cas down.

Dean begins to trust him in earnest then, even talk to him when they’re just walking and not fighting. Benny doesn’t talk much about himself, but now that they are more friendly, he’s more than happy to ask questions and receive answers. Dean tells him about his life and how he met Cas and about how the pup came to be. Cas holds his hand always when he talks with Benny, but he seems to tolerate Benny better as well now. Perhaps they just have personalities that don’t mix very well. Still, Dean’s relatively happy. Benny’s becoming a friend, and it’s been a while since he’s had one of those that wasn’t his brother or his mate.

But of course, the good luck can’t last. Benny says the portal is very near when Dean feels like he’s wet himself. He’s been feeling a bit off for a while, but didn’t think much of it, figuring it was just the weird slug creature meat he ate. But there is no mistaking this, because he doesn’t smell pee, and hasn’t peed once since coming here.

“Dean!” Cas gasps. “Your water...”

“Oh, boy.” Benny sighs. “You jus’ couldn’ wait ‘til we got out, could ya, Chief?”

They help Dean out of his pants and against the bark of a tree, because there is no better shelter in their immediate surroundings. Benny keeps watch a bit further away, his back turned to them, as Cas helps Dean through it the best he can. He’s seen multiple humans be born, even if never so close-up and personal, so he knows more about this than Dean does. It hurts something horrible, and Cas has to give him a piece of wood to bite on so he won’t scream and let everyone know where they are. Cas smells of distress the entire time, but according to him afterwards, the birth is rather simple and textbook, no complications. And when Dean first hears his baby cry...

Well, he has to say, it was worth it.

“A boy, Dean!” Cas gasps, and he’s crying again, and so is Dean, but he can maybe trick the others to thinking it’s just sweat. “We have a son!”

“A son...” Dean mumbles, swallowing around the lump in his throat and can’t help the second wave of tears that escapes, just over the emotions of it all, crashing over him like a wave.

Cas cuts off the umbilical cord with his angel blade, then takes off his trenchcoat, the only thing he’s kept on him all his time, and wraps their bloody newborn in it before handing him to Dean.

Benny comes back over too, though whether he stays a bit further to not agitate Cas or intrude on the moment, Dean can’t tell. “Well done, Chief. You know what you wanna call ‘im?”

Dean blinks. During all this time, they haven’t really talked about names at all. It seems strange to have overlooked such a detail, but in their defence, they’ve been kind of busy keeping themselves and the baby alive.

The boy is big and strong, has a small tuft of dark hair at the top of his head, and he holds Dean’s finger in a tight, tiny fist. His eyes are green like Dean’s, and he’s got freckles. Right now he just kind of smells like blood and what Dean assumes is the smell of his womb, but Dean’s hoping that once they get out of there, he can smell his son’s real smell. Dean’s a father now. He remembers the name he once gave to a shifter baby, and the one who carried it before, who is now gone. Who was like a father to him. The kind he wants to be to this one. “Robert. But we’ll call him Robbie.”

Cas nods, and kisses Dean’s brow, smelling of pure love and joy, which makes Dean feel a bit teary-eyed again. “A fine name, for a fine child. May I suggest a middle name?”

Dean nods, feeling a little bad he didn’t even ask Cas before abruptly making his decision.

“James.” Cas murmurs. “Because without him, we wouldn’t have this.”

“Robert James Winchester.” Dean whispers. “I can’t think of a better name for him.” He kisses Robbie’s brow too, and it feels like a baptism.

...

Cas insists that Dean rest some before they get a move on once more, even though he has enough mojo to heal whatever tearing has happened down there. Dean complies, because truth to be told, giving birth did take a lot out of him and he’s gonna need his strength at the last leg of this race. Plus, he wants to cuddle with Robbie for a while before they get moving, even if he still mostly smells like blood. Cas says he’s at the moment unable to tell if Robbie is Nephilim, human or something else entirely, both because he’s not at full power and because, he says, he can’t be sure if Purgatory would make things seem how they are not, like it has made him weaker. But he also warns Dean that human babies shouldn’t have green eyes when they are born, so maybe Robbie isn’t entirely human. Dean supposes they just have to wait until they get out of here to make sure.

He and Cas both huddle together with Robbie, letting him familiarise himself with their scents so that he’ll be able to associate them with “parents”. For once, Benny doesn’t complain about watch duty, actually seeming a little misty-eyed over their little family unit. Not for the first time, Dean wonders if he had family topside. Benny was probably older than Dean is now when he was turned; perhaps he was a father? Perhaps he never saw his children again after he was turned and seeing him, Cas and Robbie together is bringing back memories for him? Dean can’t be sure, but if staying a little further from them makes it easier on Benny, he won’t complain.

Dean sleeps a while as Cas holds Robbie in his stead, and when he wakes, Robbie is ready to eat for the first time. Another strange first for Dean. His nipples have swollen up as they’ve needed to in order for him to be ready to feed his pup, but it’s another thing he hasn’t really had time to think about in more detail. He helps Robbie find his nipple and latch onto it, and once he does, Robbie is one hungry little newborn. It feels...strange. It doesn’t really hurt because Robbie has no teeth, but...it’s still strange. It’s also odd that Robbie apparently has an appetite in this place, though Dean hopes he won’t need to do his business till they get out. They don’t exactly have diapers here. But Dean regardless likes the way nursing Robbie puts his small body so near his and the way he can hold him while he feeds.

Around the time Robbie is finished, Benny comes around, holding what looks like a shirt. It’s slightly bloody, but little here is entirely clean. “I thought we could rip this up ‘n tie the li’l one to you wit’ the remains.”

It’s a good idea, because Dean doesn’t particularly want to tear up Cas’ coat. They still keep Robbie in it though because it’s lashed with his sire’s scent and because there is little else for him to wear until they get out of here.

After Robbie is securely tied to Dean’s chest, they go on their way. The bushes seem to get thicker and they have to move more tree branches with hands to make their way through. The place seems more alive than the other side of Purgatory and Dean takes it as a good sign.

“We’re gettin’ close.” Benny says after a while.

“Really? ‘Cause I don’t see crap. What the hell is this escape hatch supposed to look like?” Dean wonders if he should tidy up his language around the baby, but Robbie isn’t even 24 hours old yet. He hopefully won’t remember his Daddy saying such things.

“It’s here. They promised.”

“Oh, ‘they’? That’s comforting.”

“Dean,” Cas mumbles by his side as Benny makes his way forward a little ahead of them. “Do you remember what we agreed?”

“Yeah. And I’ll hold onto it. But I don’t have to be happy about it, and if you can’t get out, I _will_ get you out.” Dean hisses.

“But if you can’t...”

“I _will_.” Dean says, and stops, looking right at Cas. “I won’t _let_ you leave me again, you hear me?”

“Dean...” Cas murmurs, taking Dean’s hand into his, both love and sorrow in his scent. “It might take time for you to find a way out for me. I can’t guarantee or promise I won’t perish in that time. So please...don’t make Robbie suffer for my absence. Prioritise him, even if it’s difficult. And...let him know he’s loved, by both of us, even if I can’t be there.”

Dean’s eyes widen. Basically what Cas is asking is that Dean not turn into his father and be consumed by a mission driven by a lost mate, even if Dean’s quest would be more resurrection than revenge. But the thought makes him tremble. He’s always claimed the last thing he wants is for his children to go through what he did, and yet there is a very high chance he could neglect Robbie in looking for a way out for Cas. And Cas is right in his words; he can’t let it come to that. Robbie must come first, no matter what. Because if Cas isn’t there to be saved, Robbie will be all that may remain and Dean must cherish him when he can, otherwise he may lose him later. And Robbie doesn’t deserve to go through what Dean once went through.

“...I swear I’ll put Robbie first. But I’ll still look for a way.”

Cas nods, and leans over to peck Dean’s lips. Then he kisses Robbie’s brow. “That is all I can ask, for I would do the same if it were me. But know that knowing you and Robbie are safe will be enough for me, and I beg of you not to feel regret or guilt if you cannot save me. Though you try, my love, even you can’t save everyone.”

Another thought occurs to him. A terrifying, horrible thought. “...What if Robbie can’t make it out? Because he might not be human?”

Cas frowns, but he doesn’t smell too alarmed. Perhaps he’s considered this thought before, but didn’t want to frighten Dean. “His soul, as far as I can tell at the moment, feels human. And his circumstances are special, in any case. He didn’t end up here because he died; he was born here. And he’s innocent in all that. We need to have faith that that will be enough.”

Dean gulps, and shoots up another prayer in his mind, just to be sure, because it’s all he can do. He needs to just do what he can and hope for the best. Benny calls out to them then, and they hurry forward. But it still doesn’t seem like there is anything special to be seen.

“Maybe you were lied to.” Cas mumbles.

“I don’ get lied to.” Benny says. “Ain’t you guys all about faith?”

“Not particularly.”

However, just then, it feels like there is some kind of a shift in the air, almost like a magnetic field and pull that seems to be calling to Dean, crackling in the air. There is wind too, for the first time since they arrived, but it’s not a normal wind. A leaf rises from the ground, right in front of their eyes, to the middle of their group, and then to the direction they’re going to. As their eyes follow it, they also finally see _it_. It looks like a blue electric storm right ahead, on top of a small mountain, the only flash of colour in this bleak, grey world.

“The portal’s reacting to you.” Cas says to Dean.

Benny turns to Dean then, nodding, and Dean picks up the knife he came to Purgatory with. Suddenly he’s glad Robbie’s already out; he’s not sure if his body could handle two passengers without something going wrong.

“You ready? Just like we talked about.” Dean pulls up a sleeve, cutting into the bared flesh of his arm with his knife.

“I’m trustin’ you, brother.” Benny says, looking Dean straight in the eye.

“You’ve earned it.” Dean replies as a manner of reassurance. He’ll get Benny to the other side and hold his end of the bargain. Benny is more than an ally by now, and to Dean, more than earned his ticket out of this place. He makes a cut in a manner similar to his own on Benny’s arm, and they clutch each other where each of their wounds are.

“I’ll see ya, on the other side.” Benny says to him with a smile, before turning to Cas. “And you better make your damnedest sure to get out. Your boy needs his Papa.”

Cas simply nods, eyes serious and brows lowered to show he really means it. Dean takes it as his cue to mumble the spell Benny taught him. It makes Benny’s hand glow where its holding onto his arm, then all of him becomes a blur of bright red, almost like fire. And that light gets sucked into Dean’s arm. It hurts, and makes his arm feel heavy and tingly, but Dean’s handled worse. Robbie shifts in his arms a little but doesn’t cry, thank goodness. Perhaps he can smell it’s not just Daddy in the body he’s being held against, now.

But Dean has no time to worry about that now.

“Let’s go.” He says to Cas, and so they do, in a hurry to get up the uneven path that leads them up the mountain.

Suddenly, Castiel stops. “Dean, wait.”

Before Dean can ask what is going on, he sees and hears the answer as two Leviathan drop on the ground like meteorites right in front of them, materialising from the black goo into more human-like shapes; those that resemble a man and a woman in black suits, smelling of ink and sewer water. As the portal keeps causing a wind that is sucking them in, Dean takes a swing with his weapon at the man-looking Levi, but it dodges, tackling Dean down. Dean instinctively puts his arms around Robbie, but manages to land on his back so it doesn’t seem like he’s hurt. Robbie cries, sensing the danger and feeling the impact. Cas is fighting the lady-Levi somewhere behind the back of the one holding Dean down, but Dean needs to look out for himself and Robbie the most for now. So he kicks and punches as much as he can until he can get the Leviathan off of him, then rises up and takes another swing with his weapon. He kicks the Leviathan in the stomach first, distracting it as he chops its head off. They, too, seem to be weakened by Purgatory. Then he hurries over to Cas, who is still fighting the lady-Levi, and since its back is turned to him, it’s easy for Dean to gank it.

“Are you both all right?” Cas queries, rushing over to them, looking Robbie and Dean over.

“Hey, I saved _your_ ass there.” Dean smirks, but then realises they have bigger problems to worry about. The portal looks smaller than it did a few minutes ago. “We need to hurry, the portal’s closing.”

Cas takes his hand. “Together.”

Dean nods, squeezing the hand in his. “Together.” They step over the last stones to the portal, and into the light of the portal. “Hold onto me, Cas!”

Cas’ hand is holding his so tight it hurts a little, but Dean makes no move to loosen the hold. If he has to, he’ll pull Cas to the other side by hand, if that’s all that it will take. Then Cas is in the portal with him and...

A bright light, one that could blind a human if you looked right into it. Then, it’s suddenly so dark that for a moment Dean can’t tell anything about his surroundings by eyesight. But he can smell it. For the first time in months, he can smell something familiar. He smells fresh plants, pine trees, the old, drying plants on the ground and that specific, cold-like smell of the night. There are still spots in his vision from the sudden brightness being replaced by darkness, but he can feel Robbie at his chest and Cas’ hand in his, and can smell them both too.

“...Cas?” He queries softly, almost afraid that his mate won’t answer.

“I’m here, Dean. We’re all here.”

And that’s all Dean needs to hear. Suddenly exhausted, either from relief or just from everything his body has been through these past months, he collapses on his knees and lets out a sound that resembles a mix between a laugh and a sob. “We made it out, Cas. We all made it.”

“Yes, my love. It appears we did.”

“And your grace?”

“I can feel it returning, but it might take a while for all of it to come back.” Cas says, kneeling down next to Dean on the damp ground. “I believe we are currently somewhere in Maine.”

Dean takes a breath, trying calm himself. His family may be out, but there’s still stuff to do, even though he feels like he could bathe and sleep for a month each. “Then we need to get moving. Louisiana ain’t exactly near, and we need to find a phone and call Sam. I bet he’s working himself sick trying to get us outta there.”

So they go. They find a young couple camping, and Dean rather shamelessly steals one of their bags after they tell him which way the road is. They will need a change of clothes and some food before they can get back to civilisation. Dean still has one of his fake credit cards on him, but he might need that for gas money and a place to sleep.

They are out, but the future is still uncertain. Even on earth, there are all kinds of beings that would love to take them out, and Dean still needs to keep his son safe from all that. He needs to resurrect Benny and then find Sam, and find a way to tell him about what happened in Purgatory in a way that explains it but won’t make Sam feel like shit for everything Dean and Cas went through because he couldn’t find a way for them to get out of there fast enough. He’s also not sure if he should mention Benny to Sam. Benny proved himself to him and Dean considers him both a brother-in-arms and a friend, but it might be harder for Sam to believe that Dean would trust a vampire, since Dean’s always been the more sceptical one over whether or not monsters can be trusted. But he’s got some time to mull over these facts, since it seems better to go by car than have Cas fly them when he’s not yet all there, and that will take a while. In the meantime, Dean simply allows himself to feel relief and joy. He’s out, his family’s out, and for now that’s all that matters. The rest of it comes later, and whatever it will be, well, at least he has Cas by his side, and they are united and mated for real once more. And they have a pup.

And those are things that Dean can’t help but be grateful for, even if they came to be in a rather shitty way.


End file.
